Ardenism

Arden says...
"Just once I wish I had a Mom who didn't bring me yummy cranberry bread and who would let me decorate the house with Christmas lights!"

I only have a few house lights every year because I hate to waste energy and she dreams of a Griswald Christmas house... and apparently I'm now an embarrassing Mom when I bring homemade snacks to soccer practice.

She said "You're just too good of a Mom"...

so I said "OH SHUT UP!"in a mean Mom voice! ( something we are not allowed to say in our house)

pause... a look of shock... and then we both laughed!

fish update

So when I started this blogging thing I wrote a little about our poor pathetic abused and neglected fish that just won't die no matter how bad we treat it. Well just a quick update...

The water was dark orange, murky and down to about an inch and a half and the poor thing practically had to swim on his side so I decided It was about time I dealt with it. I filled up a pitcher with water and let it sit all day so it could get to the same room temp. as the tank water. That evening I asked Logan to take the pitcher (sitting on the kitchen counter) and add it to the tank. simple enough...
He and his 13 year old half listening brain couldn't understand that I meant the pitcher with WATER in it and thought I meant the coffee pot 3 inches from the WATER pitcher. He asked "this one right here mom?" and me not looking just said yes.
Next thing I know he is yelling " there is coffee in here mom!" OH ya... that would be because it IS a coffee pot Logan...
Anyway we spent the next 15 or 20 minutes trying to rescue the fish who now was barely moving. I had to put him in fresh water and hope that the temp. change wouldn't do him in but hopefully revive him from his caffeine overdose.
It wasn't looking good for the fish but it was for me, if you know what I mean. Could it finally be over for this 9 year old fish?
Sure enough he is alive and swimming still this morning.

TIME

Life is finally getting back to "manageable"
I went to sleep last night with a smile on my face and was very conscience of the fact that that hasn't happen in a long while. The stress of this last year has been exhausting.
Most of you know by now that Mamaisms is no more. You know the saying " too much of a good thing is still just too much" ? Well that has been my life this last year. It was all good, just too much. It seem silly to even complain about it when there are so many people struggling with far greater issues, but it has been hard.

I read a book once about "how to have it all". I got it when my kids were young and my life felt completely out of control . I thought it might help me get organized. HA! I did get a few good organizational tips , but mostly it made me so much busier and therefore more neurotic and in the end just plain NUTS trying to do it all.
I know now you CAN'T have it all. You can't have too much that you are unable to devote the right amount of time to do any one thing well. Does that makes sense?
If I'm running around trying to have a perfect life I end up missing ... well... LIFE!
And right now the one thing I want to do well now is parent my kids the best that I can while I still can. Time with them is slipping away and while I completely believed in the Mamaism theory, the Mamaism company was making me a not so good Mom!

This past year I've miss so much of life. All the things that make me happy. Time with my husband and kids, reading, gardening, volunteering, cooking, laughing, exercising, painting, friendships,journals, sleeping ( I haven't slept in a year!) and just plain "Being". When was the last time you just sat and did nothing?... It's one of my favorite things to do ( Arden caught me doing it last night before bed and thought I was crazy ) it doesn't take long, just a few minutes once in a while and it's so refreshing! Try it! Teach it to your kids! and maybe even your husbands! :)

Mamaisms has taught me so many things.
I know I am competent enough to do anything I put my mind to.
I learned a lot about computers and business.
It showed me that the world is still open to positive messages.
It's taught me who my true friends are (thank you all for your amazing support!)
and brought me some great new friends.

But mostly it has reminded me of what I've always known. That NOBODY loves and supports me more than my husband and nothing is more important to me than Paul, Logan and Arden and the kind of life that we have built together. A life that we actually make the time to enjoy each other.

This year has also brought many sad reminders that time runs out for us all. Lives end, people move away, kids grow up and leave their mamas! And so I leave you with one last "mamaism" "Be Happy with What You Have"
I know I am!

Only the good die young

When I told Arden about the passing of our friend Ray this last Friday she, like the rest of us went through the mixed emotions. Shock, disbelief, sadness, worry about his family, confusion in trying to grasp the actual concept of death ... How is someone here one moment and gone the next... and then finally FAITH. That it is not the end, that he is at peace and that he will always be with his family just in a different way. Easier said that done... But I was so proud of her for reaching that realization even if for a moment. And then in true Ardenism form she matter-of-factly said... " Mama...have you ever noticed that only the good die young?..."

Ray was 45 and I can honestly say he was probably the nicest man I've ever had the privilege of knowing. Never have I heard an unkind or negative word out of his mouth. He was a quiet but not shy,everyone loved Ray, humble, and a true family man. He was the father we all wish we had, and we all want for our kids. He was the husband of every woman's dreams- Kerry's best friend and her perfect compliment. They were always together and they both had the greatest and wittiest sense of humor.

I have watched my friend Kerry care for him with courage, grace and strength that I could only hope to have. She has shown complete selflessness.

We have know them for the last 7 years. We used to live across the street from each other and had many, many good times together. Logan and their son Keaton have remained the best of friends. They are like family to us. We have had Good times and hard times and - happy and sad times. But in times like these it really makes me wish I was a better friend. I regret all the wasted times and wish I could do anything to ease her pain.

Yes, Ray was far too Good and young to die. But my God the time he spent on this earth was more than memorable and his goodness will live on through his family and I have FAITH that in time they will be alright.

Please keep them in your prayers. Ray, Kerry, Keaton, and Olivia Underhill.

You can know more about Ray and his life at www.rayunderhill.com


Life is too short to waste on the details. I hope you all know how much you mean to me.
always- Jane

Sweet Girls night out

It's been so long since I've written! I'm sorry if I've disappointed all of my maybe 4 viewers! I'm going to try to catch up tomorrow with a few posts.

So My little Arden turned 11 last weekend and you'd have thought it was her 18th . She has always wanted to ride in a limo (she is so deprived!) So she and her father came up with a limo ride party.

She was so excited for days and days thinking of riding in one. She invited 7 friends and told them to "dress fancy"! They started out at our house for pizza (eating as much as Logan and his buddies on his 13th birthday) talking up a storm ,putting poor Paul into shock, then they piled in to the limo and we cruised down to the beach and did the loop all the while waving out the window, SINGING, TALKING (all at once) and sipping sparkling cider out of plastic wine glasses. We drove around for an hour and then got dropped off downtown on the riverfront for ice cream and a walk about.

Do not think for a moment that I was not fully aware that this might be the last time I am allowed to tag along for one of these girl parties. Luckily I am not THAT embarrassing just yet and I even got to sing along ( yes.. I do know all the words to their songs) I even got all teared up at one point and she either didn't notice or didn't mind! I can't help it. They were so adorable and I feel it slipping slipping away! My favorite part was watching all the faces of the people we passed light up when they realized it was a limo full of beautiful little girls waving at them.

Oh yes .... we did have a few expected moments of raw pre- PMS moments through out the night, but far less than I anticipated and they were resolved swiftly and sweetly. But, they are girls.....

all in all it was a most memorably and fantastic girls night out!

Fear is NOT an Option

I heard a famous designer on the Today show talking about how her mother , being a Holocaust survivor, would say to her all the time, " Fear is NOT an Option". She wouldn't allow daughter to be overcome by fear, no matter what she was facing. The designer said it has helped her in life more than any other lesson.

Yesterday I learned that my friend Deni's son has Leukemia. A MOTHERS WORST FEAR!

Deni was my best friend for a good many years in High School. She and I had other Best friends as well but that didn't affect our friendship. She was the one who taught me how to drive on her VW Bug :) We would lay out by the pool, Cruz to the lake, go to dances together and later when I needed it... she and her family welcomed me into their home and family ( something that changed my life and I am forever grateful!)

Most of you don't know her , some of you do, But I am ashamed to say that actually, I don't know her now either. Time and miles and work and family have taken over and aside from the few e-mails here and there and the yearly Christmas cards we rarely make time to connect. I've met her Husband a few times ( a really nice guy) I've only met her 3 beautiful kids once, I have a picture of her and my other friends from home sitting on my desk, I think of her a lot when I hear a song that brings back memories, but I know nothing about her day to day life (That makes me so sad). But when I heard about Sean I cried like I've know him his whole life.

They have a site that friends and family can go to keep updated and see pictures. Sean's sweet little face with his bald head surrounded by his Dad and his buddies who shaved THEIR heads in support, The pictures of Deni reading to him, they all show how how Deni and her husband are handling this hard time with, dignity, grace ,determination and love . For a mother, FEAR IS NOT AN OPTION. She is setting the tone for her family to face this one day at a time, to stick together, to trust that everything will be alright and along the way I am sure she is cherishing every moment and lesson they are experiencing that will ultimately bring them even closer.

Please pray for Sean, my friend, her husband and her whole family. Ask all your friends to pray for them. Many of us know first hand how prayer helps more than anything in life.

And as Deni said in her last e-mail... hug your family extra tight!

Arden: "Mommy , will you go with me to the bathroom... It's dark and I"m scared"
Me: "You're fine sweetie... You're almost 11 years old!"
Arden : "NOOOOO! I'm too scared!"
Me: " Arden Fear is not an option"
Arden: " In this brain it is!"

what I love

I'm laying in bed trying to sleep because I have the worlds worst sore throat (somebody please call the Guinness world records book) and I can't sleep. Go figure! I finally have the house quiet no where to be, no one to drive here or there, all because my family has been taking such good care of me. The laundry is done. The dishes are done. The kids are taken care of. It's all good!
But I can't sleep.
My head is spinning, but not like the usual stressed out can't shut off my brain because I have so much to do and I don't know when or how I will get to it all. It's because I miss them, and my mind is full of all the sweet and hilarious moments and the things I love about my family and life. So I thought I would share it with you, purge it ,and then maybe get some sleep.

I love when my husband takes me to the doctor and casually says to me as we are walking out the door "You know.. I was watching you while you were talking to the doctor and you're even beautiful when you are sick"
I love that Paul still carries Arden to bed after she has fallen asleep next to me in our bed. The way her long legs and arms flop over him and she settles her head on to his shoulder like she's still 3.
I Love to listen to Paul and Logan talk basketball on the couch. They remember every name and score and converse like equals and I can get a glimpse of the friendship they will have even after Logan is grown.
I Love the way Arden still dresses up in funky character costumes she creates, or sings and dances around the house.
I LOVE that both our kids are silly and goofy and aren't afraid to show some personality.
I love that they both still kiss us on the lips.
I love it when Arden sings in the bathtub and Logan plays his guitar in his room and they don't think anyone is listening. But it fills the house with music.
I love the countless "I love mommy notes" I get from Arden.
I love when Logan says he's glad his mom is young and cool and not old like all the other moms .
These are the things I love . These are the moments. I'm sure you all have moments like these too. Hope you are paying attention to them. I'm trying my best to. :)

Hope you enjoy the video... sorry about the mooning... She is Paul's daughter.

let's see if this works! This video is actually from October.

Logan....My Logan....

I've been wanting to write about my sweet boy for so long. It's hard to put into words all that he is and all that I feel for him. It's easy to write about Arden. She is constantly saying the funniest things and doing the sweetest things that I want to share them all. Logan on the other hand is slowly growing away from me and really from the whole family. He has a hard time with Arden (typical annoying little sister things) He is really starting to challange the alpha male (that would be Paul) And he and I really don't get a whole lot of time together any more.

He is however, and always be my sweet boy. My true love. My baby. To see him now with his peach fuzz and to hear his voice start to lower is really cool. You always know that one day your kids will be taller than you but when it actually happens it is the most bizarre experiences.

So when does it change for me? When do I stop wanting to grab him and hold him on my lap and kiss all over him like I did when he was little? I mean I don't see other mothers with grown sons doing that. It's like the book LOVE YOU FOREVER where the mother sneaks in her sons window, after he is grown and out on his own, and rocks him back and forth saying" I'll like you forever, I'll love you for always, as long as I live my baby you'll be". Okay, like that is so gonna be me!

I will say that as of yet he actually still likes me. (Sally Field) Yes he does! He still asks me to hang out with him while he shoots hoops. He still wants me to watch his skating shows. ( Big and Rob and if any of you haven't discovered that show yet your missing out!) and best of all he still askes me to tuck him in every night. And by god no matter how tired I am I am going to tuck that boy in until he stops asking. It's the best! He wants me to sit with him and he tells me all about his day and what is going on in his life. It's our only time together alone and It means more to me than I can express.

I am so incredibly proud of the person he is. Everyone who knows Logan loves him. Countless adults and friends go out of their way to share with us what a great kid he is. He is always smiling, always polite, is sweet to little kids and helps everyone he can( even his little sister but only for me) He is fun and funny and I love being around him. He is growing to be a great person and someday soon a great man.

It is true what they say about how a mother feels about her sons. It is simply like nothing else. I adore him.

She Loves me!

This Is what I woke to this morning. Actually... back up... I woke to the sound of ARDEN's alarm clock blaring from the other room. This is a first and although I knew something must be going on (first because she never sets her clock and second because she wasn't screaming for me to come turn it off) but to tell you the truth I was so tired and grumpy that I couldn't make myself open my eyes or even roll over much less get up. So I laid there hoping that it was all just a dream. Then I hear her little feet running all over the house. She's in the bathroom... she let's the dog out... noises in the kitchen... the dryer is running... and then the light in our bedroom flashes on and she comes walking in with this.

She's made me breakfast and she is SMILING! and she is speaking sweet words to me , and she is wishing me a happy Valentines day. She has warmed up my bathrobe in the dryer , and she has even ordered personalized M&M's for Paul and me. (she's been planning this all along)

This all comes after a long week of temper tantrums and hormonal swings and homework issues .( and I'm speaking of BOTH of us) We went to bed last night after a failed attempt of trying to make heart shaped cookies on a stick for her class , not completing her homework (first time EVER!)and the house a complete disaster !

What a difference a night makes! What a lucky woman I am! What a sweet girl I have!

WOW! What a whirl wind these last few weeks have been! I've composed countless blogs in my head but just couldn't find the time to sit down and write it all out. I still am scrambling trying to balance everything and even as I write this have an on going list in my head of things I HAVE to do.

What I REALLY HAVE to do is blog. I've said it before that I have had journals for years. It has been my way of bringing myself back to reality. I start out crazy and frantic and scattered and as I write ,I slowly hear myself and recognize the lesson I am suppose to be getting at that moment in time.

Right now my lesson is to remember what it's all about. This whole Mamaism thing. Yes The Big Idea was great. Yes the potential is endless as to what this business can be. But the vision that it all started with is what I need and want to focus on.

Since it all started I've had no time for my friends. I haven't exercised, I'm not sleeping, not eating as often as I need to, haven't picked up a paintbrush and most importantly I haven't seen my husband for longer than a few minutes for weeks and weeks now AND I have very little time to really spend with my kids, Which is SO ironic because they were the inspiration for the Mamaisms!

I know this is nothing new to most mothers out there. We are all trying to balance it all. But why? Why if the basic and most important things in life get neglected.

I also know that life comes in cycles. And sometimes we have to focus more on some aspects of our lives than others and that doesn't mean that the other aspects are not as important, it just means everything has it's own time. Nothing stays the same. It's a constant lesson I'm always trying to explain to my kids. None of us do change well. And we all have been struggling with our new way of life here in our home. What IS a constant is the love and support that is flying all around here. I have gotten so many e-mails and phone calls from my friends and family with their encouragement and shared excitement for me. I have gotten nothing but positive responses every where I go. I still can't bring myself to erase all the messages that my husband and kids left me on my cell phone while I was traveling up to NY for the show. Paul chanting "YOU ARE THE BEST" , Arden telling me "you are going to be great Mom" and after they watched the show Logan (who is 12 mind you) saying "you were awesome Mom and you looked so beautiful"! Friends and perfect strangers sharing stories about what these mamaisms mean to them. These are all the reasons why I am doing this.

So... may I just make the time right now to say ... many , many thanks to everyone who has encouraged and supported me. It has meant so much to me . I am so excited about where we are headed BUT please know that I will not forget what it is all about!

True Friends

Arden has been campaigning to get her best friend Olivia's family to move into the house next door to us for months and months now.

Every time Olivia is here they pull another flier out of the box and send it home for her Mom (my good friend Pam).

Yesterday Olivia came home with us after school for a sleepover and as we were driving into the neighborhood she says the thing that Arden has been dreaming about.

O- "My Mom and Dad came to this neighborhood to look at the houses the other day"

A- Gasp! " Really!!??" What did they say?"

O- "My mom said if she's going to pay 400,000 for a house, she wants one of the big ones."

A- " The house next door to us!!!" "oh wait that 500,000. "

pause...

A- " well that only 100,000 more and we'll pay for half"!

Now that's a friendship!

And I would if I could Olivia because you are the sweetest and bestest friend Arden has!