I KNOW BETTER THAN THAT

This is suppose to be my Christmas posting... Only it's the day after Christmas. I, as always ,had so many good intentions and good ideas that never came to be realized. This year even more than past years I've had just too much going on to get to everything. I over commit myself regularly. I do it to myself. They are all things that I WANT to do , and that's the problem, I can't keep up with myself.

THIS is the Christmas I almost ruined for everyone though.

I had gotten myself into that place... that dark place I go when I am overwhelmed. Some people thrive on always having something going on or something to do or somewhere to go... I get crazy. My husband knows this well because he is one of those people who needs to do, go, be, see. I can only do so much and I need the quiet, down time that refuels me.

This year had the usual Christmas parties ,school functions, recitals, shopping, cards,volunteering, baking and so on... and then ,added to that ,the excitement of our Mamaisms! Needless to say all these things are good. Blessings! But all good things come with challenges. Add to that my one PMS day of the month landed on Christmas Eve and that was too much to handle.

But... I ramble...

My point is... all the usual things that I can handle and remain calm and deal with, got to me. instead of me calmly telling Logan one billion and ONE times to do something ... I yelled. Instead of me sweetly and understandingly saying "sure sweetie you go ahead and golf on Christmas Eve"... I screamed! Instead of finding it adorable when Arden asked every five seconds if she could open a present early... I shouted.

I could go on but why... I'm sure you all get it and understand.

But as sure as me almost ruining Christmas ... I am just as sure it was saved by Arden and Logan.

No matter how much I yelled and grumped around, their joyful moods could not be broken. They kept saying " do you need a hug?" and "I love Christmas" and "I can't wait for you to open my present". At first this annoyed me more that you know. I thought they were not taking me seriously. No respect for all that I do! It was all I could do to keep it together. But at some point they finally snapped me out of my mama madness, and I remembered it was all just a choice. I could choose to focus on all the little details that I couldn't make perfect and create a miserable holiday for us all or I could choose to appreciate all that was REAL . Like their sweet little faces and their excitement for giving and the two of them actually getting along with each other! (now that is a Christmas miracle)

In the end we had a lovely Christmas . Arden made me the most beautiful ornament out of oyster shells, Logan spent some time hanging out with his sister, Paul spoiled me again and I was taught the same lesson I repeatedly try to teach them. Life is what you choose to focus on. And even though I am ashamed of my behavior for those few hours, I'm so glad to know they were paying attention all those times I preached to them. Because (mamaism) "I know better than that!!"

I have so many blessings in my life, and you all know who you are! Thank you all for the encouragement and support and love. You all are the reason for the season. And I have witnessed so many moments of goodness and kindness this year. That is what I choose to focus on! And even if my gifts or cards come late or I didn't get a chance to call yesterday I hope you all know how much you mean to me and I hope you all had a very merry Christmas!

Believing

I swear to you I did not pose this picture. I happened upon the scene the other day and reached for my camera before she could move.

The Believe sign is especially significant to us this year because this will be the first year that both our kids "know" about Santa.

It happened a few weeks ago... Arden and I were pulling into Logan's middle school parking lot, when she asked the dreaded question... "Mama...tell me the truth...is Santa real or not..." Paul and I knew it was coming and had decided that the next time she asked, we would tell her the truth for fear that she might find out in a less safe place. So I said ..."Well"... and before I could say more she bursts into tears and starts screaming "NO!...It's not true.. He's real!"

Of course about that time Logan walks up and has to enter the car (surrounded by his friends), while his sister is screaming and sobbing hysterically. "What's wrong with her!"... I tell him, and he softens and we work together to console her while we make our way home.

A: "If Santa isn't real then what's Christmas for anyway" (screaming)

Us: " You know that Christmas is about Jesus birthday.

A: "That's not true..(sob) everyone knows Jesus was born on Easter!"

Us: " No honey... Easter is the day Jesus was resurrected"

A: "What does that mean!?!?"(sob,sob)

Us: "Sort of brought back to life"

A: "That's ridiculous!... (sob, sob,sob) Who's gonna believe that!...( Sob, sob,)

So after many hours... (I mean minutes that felt like hours)... and after hearing things like "You should be ashamed of yourself Mommy" and "you're making this up... you're joking"... through MY tears I mumble... Yeah Arden we're making it up... it's just a joke..."

The tears stop...and quietly, hopefully she says... "really?"

Logan and I look at each other and he says" Yeah Arden it's just a joke... we never meant to hurt your feelings..."

She says.."Oh thank God!"

So then I'm left with a traumatized 10 year old who is desperate to still believe in the magic who now thinks her mother is capable of playing the worst of all jokes on her . I've definitely scarred her for life this time.

The fantasy lasted one more week but eventually she came to me and said (very maturely) "Mom... I know Santa isn't real." It's OK... I won't freak out... you can tell me."

So we both sat on the couch, cried, and morned the loss of innocence and magic. And we talked again about what it's REALLY about and how the spirit of Santa is real.

Things have changed. The excitement is gone. Her favorite Christmas movies and songs have new meanings and she is trying to makes sense of it all. But once again she fills my heart with pride as I watch her sweet, giving, spirit emerge and she thinks up ways to GIVE this year instead of receive .

That's believing.

And that's what it's all about!

Mama says... It's better to give than receive.

Place sticker on forehead ... Smile!

Yah Chiquita!

Why didn't we think of that? Oh yah... we did!
I can't tell you how many times I use to pick the kids up from pre-school only to have them slap their prized sticker for the day on my forehead and laugh hysterically! It was our thing. Some people just didn't see the humor but for some reason it was funny to us.
MANY times I would get focused on greeting the kids ,asking about their day, maybe even chat with the teachers, get them buckled in their car seats and ...yes... completely forget about the sticker! A few times We even stopped by the grocery store or once even the park only to realize hours after we were home that (slap my self on the forehead) "That's why people were staring"
Ah...Memories...

I love this Chiquita thing though. They have all sorts of different cute phrases. Arden and I spend a lot of time swapping the stickers on all the banana bunches to get the one we want for the day.

If you haven't already, take your kids to see
Mr Magorium's Wonder Emporium!

I love this movie! It's now my new favorite movie! It is such a beautiful story. I really like Natalie Portman and Dustin Hoffman is brilliant! His acting in this movie is amazing! His way of portraying this character's innocent yet wise qualities was wonderful.
It was fun but so endearing and had so many meaningful lessons. And yes...I cried and embarrassed Arden. I couldn't help it. This is one movie I will buy and watch over and over.

Before Your Dog Can Eat Your Homework, First You Have to Do It!

That's the name of the book I recently finished. It's by John O'Hurley (He was Elaine's Boss on Seinfeld) . I love him. His sense of humor and his intelligence make for a good quick read.

He is 50 something and just had his first child. The book is written to his baby and in it he shares his life lessons so sweetly and poignantly yet so humorously. The comical thing is , it's coming from the perspective of their family dog . Hard to explain... but trust me it's not like you think.

Very funny! So endearing. It's the kind of book that reminds us what life and parenting is all about but still a quick, light read for us tired Mamas who's only time to pick up a book is when you finally make it to bed , right before you pass out.

The day before thanksgiving! I Love Thanksgiving! My favorite holiday. I really get into the giving thanks thing. I'm thanking the librarian at my kids school, my kids teachers,the dry cleaning lady that rushed my slipcovers through so we don't have to sit on sheets for the holiday, the stressed out cashier at Costco, and anyone else that comes my way. I think it's a perfect opportunity to thank all the people and all their efforts that go unappreciated most of the year because we are all just too busy to take the time and say thanks.

I had a manager once at one of my seemingly meaningless minimum wage jobs who literally changed my life. His name was Morris and he was one of those people who would lift the mood of whatever room he walked into. He was so positive and helpful even in the most stressed situations. He was the one you wanted to call when you screwed up. Instead of wasting time and focusing what was wrong, he put his energy into making things better. But what I remember most about him was his sort of "signature slogan " if you will, he would simply go around saying "PRECIATE YA" ! In the way that people would typically say greetings like "Hello" or "How are Ya" , He would walk around saying "PRECIATE YA". It made everyone feel their worth and inspired us to do our best no matter what job we had, from managers to cleaning staff. We all had importance and worth and Morris not only knew that but actually realized how important it is to SAY it.

Paul and I were newly married when I started that job. The direction our lives were going in was so uncertain and money was really tight. We both were working two jobs and trying to figure out our next move. But Morris's lesson set us in a direction that proved much more valuable. We picked up that slogan and said it as often as we could to each other. I meant it then and I mean it even more now. I APPRECIATE THAT MAN ! Our lives have been so full. Full of hard times, good times, times when we can't stand each other, times when I love him so much I can't stand it. But most of all we value each others contributions to our relationship, we appreciate each other and we make it a habit of saying it out loud.

I'm thankful for so many things this year. My extended family, Ihave very dear friends, I am fortunate enough to live my life comfortably , I am healthy, I have two fabulous little people that I get to watch grow into who they are, but the one I have to thank for all that is the man who taught me how to love, and who appreciates me as much as I appreciate him.

PRECIATE YA PAUL!!!! And I am thankful for you and all the blessings you have worked so hard to give me, and I am saying it out loud!

Mama Exposed

These poor pitiful creatures suffer daily because of my neglect.

We've had these fish for 6 YEARS! And they won't die! I seriously clean their fish maybe twice a year. (Notice the furry scum growing and the lack of water. )

It wasn't always like this. The first 4 years or so the water was always clean and they were fed twice a day. We even kept them in the kitchen "so they won't get lonely mommy".

Now they sit in a lonely dark corner upstairs, neglected. We all walk by them a gazillion times a day and each time I am stabbed by guilt yet I keep walking.

Why can't I just do away with them? Flush them? I EAT fish all the time and don't think twice about the loss of their lives. But to flush these would be murder.

Today I deal with the fish!

Mama says..."It's Give and Take"

I went to bed the other night dreaming up ways to dispose of our animals. I wouldn't have to hire a hit man or anything I could just slowly, one by one, bump them off and make it look like an accident. I know, I'm a horrible person! But I can't help myself! I guarantee the fish would not even be noticed for days, maybe even weeks. Only when the smell made it obvious would the loss be discovered and the devastation set in! The dog, the cat, the gerbil and snake they are just TOO MUCH! I can't keep up!
Aside from the usual care taking there is always something crazy going on! I've always been a true animal lover but I've reach a breaking point.

Our cat has decided she'd rather not cover her poop in the litter box anymore so we are greeted daily with a lovely smell of yuck when we walk through the door. She recently decided rolling in poison ivy was a good idea and then preceded to sweetly rub all over my neck and face!( I'm still taking the steroids weeks later!) Last night I woke to the sound of a puking cat at 2am ! I was so tired and the thought of cleaning up puke at 2am made ME gag so I decided to just go back to sleep and deal with it in the morning. NO DOING! Because then I laid there for the next few minutes listening to her gobble it back up!

Our Gerbil (nocturnal as it may be) runs on his wheel nightly which he strategically and so ingeniously moves against the glass wall of the cage. The noise wakes me up nightly then I have to stumble upstairs and restrain myself from flushing him down the toilet!

Our dog Junior climbs on the furniture covering it with slobber, eye boogers and god knows what else. He so considerately chooses a different couch or chair daily. I can't leave him outside because he escapes. He has eaten all of both the kids Halloween candy (which left me hundreds of dollars poorer after the vet bill) and then thrown up on my white Pottery Barn rug . He pees regularly on the same spot of a different rug, and just the other day I came home and found a puddle the size of a lake in our semi-formal and rarely used living room. Since we only use that room to walk through, there is no telling how long it's been there.

I swear they are all out to get me!

Only here's the thing ... when it comes down to it I would be just as devastated (and will be) when something REALLY goes bad.

Junior is so old now but he still would climb the stairs every night to be with his Arden. He loves her so much and has been a life saver to us all over the years with his way of comforting her. EVERY time she cries he painfully lifts himself up to go be with her. He is her protector, companion and security. She reads to him, still dresses him up and has served him tea on many occasions. When she is scared , he is there. He has taught her so much about patience, friendship and true, giving love.

The other morning he fell from the top of the stairs all the way down. It was gut wrenching! And the reality of probably someday soon loosing him breaks my heart for Arden.
Arden now sleeps downstairs in the guest bedroom. Probably indefinitely ( until the inevitable happens and we lose Junior.

So I guess just like everything else in life it's good and bad, give and take. Granted the MOM is the one doing most of the giving on the human side. But to see how much the kids get in the end ,makes all the frustration worth it! God help me remember that the next time I'm scooping poop!

Hello friends and family! I've recently discovered the world of blogging. I know... A little later than most. Tricia you inspired me! I offer no expert advise or entries of witty humor, I just thought for the little person like me it would be a great way to share the everyday moments and thoughts of my life. So many of you are so far away and I hate that I can't know you daily anymore. I've missed so many of your life moments as well as not been able to share my precious moments . This will be a place for you to check in and catch up on my crazy full life instead of me waiting for that perfect moment to make a phone call and then trying to remember everything. Let me apologize now for any venting, rambling boring stories or philosophic moments of preaching how to save the world. If I bore please just click off and don't think twice. There is something really egotistic about blogging ... like people really care what I think!

That being said..

Every time we've moved the first thing I've done was paint my blackboard. It's a place where I can force my inspirational quotes on my children and remind myself of the important things in life. So I've included a weekly picture of Mama's chalk board. You can buy the paint almost anywhere now and I think it's a great thing for all families.

Also a crazy idea I had was to include a MAMA EXPOSED section. I spent so many years trying to live the Martha Stewart life always a clean house ,always something cooking ,a craft going,volunteering ,blah blah blah. Don't get me wrong I LOVE doing all that stuff. It's who I am. The problem is I think so many mothers think they have to do that to be a good mother and no one ever talks about the messy closets they just can't get too and the other imperfections behind closed doors. Lately as the kids get older I just can't keep up anymore and I've learned that I don't have to. That said,things can get a little neglected too. I tend to put things off a little. So... in an effort to save anyone else from trying to do it all and feeling less than all the other perfect mothers walking around with clean kids and spotless cars and houses (you know the ones that pretend to have it all together and then go home and melt) I will be exposing my imperfections regularly.Maybe you can relate and we can laugh a little. The catch is that by exposing myself I commit to dealing with whatever it is that I've been neglecting , before the day is done. (I'll let you know how that works out! )
If anyone of you think they would like to blog it's easy. I just went to Blogspot.com and set it up. That way I could keep up with YOUR life!!!!
Love to you all!
Jane