Believing

I swear to you I did not pose this picture. I happened upon the scene the other day and reached for my camera before she could move.

The Believe sign is especially significant to us this year because this will be the first year that both our kids "know" about Santa.

It happened a few weeks ago... Arden and I were pulling into Logan's middle school parking lot, when she asked the dreaded question... "Mama...tell me the truth...is Santa real or not..." Paul and I knew it was coming and had decided that the next time she asked, we would tell her the truth for fear that she might find out in a less safe place. So I said ..."Well"... and before I could say more she bursts into tears and starts screaming "NO!...It's not true.. He's real!"

Of course about that time Logan walks up and has to enter the car (surrounded by his friends), while his sister is screaming and sobbing hysterically. "What's wrong with her!"... I tell him, and he softens and we work together to console her while we make our way home.

A: "If Santa isn't real then what's Christmas for anyway" (screaming)

Us: " You know that Christmas is about Jesus birthday.

A: "That's not true..(sob) everyone knows Jesus was born on Easter!"

Us: " No honey... Easter is the day Jesus was resurrected"

A: "What does that mean!?!?"(sob,sob)

Us: "Sort of brought back to life"

A: "That's ridiculous!... (sob, sob,sob) Who's gonna believe that!...( Sob, sob,)

So after many hours... (I mean minutes that felt like hours)... and after hearing things like "You should be ashamed of yourself Mommy" and "you're making this up... you're joking"... through MY tears I mumble... Yeah Arden we're making it up... it's just a joke..."

The tears stop...and quietly, hopefully she says... "really?"

Logan and I look at each other and he says" Yeah Arden it's just a joke... we never meant to hurt your feelings..."

She says.."Oh thank God!"

So then I'm left with a traumatized 10 year old who is desperate to still believe in the magic who now thinks her mother is capable of playing the worst of all jokes on her . I've definitely scarred her for life this time.

The fantasy lasted one more week but eventually she came to me and said (very maturely) "Mom... I know Santa isn't real." It's OK... I won't freak out... you can tell me."

So we both sat on the couch, cried, and morned the loss of innocence and magic. And we talked again about what it's REALLY about and how the spirit of Santa is real.

Things have changed. The excitement is gone. Her favorite Christmas movies and songs have new meanings and she is trying to makes sense of it all. But once again she fills my heart with pride as I watch her sweet, giving, spirit emerge and she thinks up ways to GIVE this year instead of receive .

That's believing.

And that's what it's all about!

Mama says... It's better to give than receive.