I KNOW BETTER THAN THAT

This is suppose to be my Christmas posting... Only it's the day after Christmas. I, as always ,had so many good intentions and good ideas that never came to be realized. This year even more than past years I've had just too much going on to get to everything. I over commit myself regularly. I do it to myself. They are all things that I WANT to do , and that's the problem, I can't keep up with myself.

THIS is the Christmas I almost ruined for everyone though.

I had gotten myself into that place... that dark place I go when I am overwhelmed. Some people thrive on always having something going on or something to do or somewhere to go... I get crazy. My husband knows this well because he is one of those people who needs to do, go, be, see. I can only do so much and I need the quiet, down time that refuels me.

This year had the usual Christmas parties ,school functions, recitals, shopping, cards,volunteering, baking and so on... and then ,added to that ,the excitement of our Mamaisms! Needless to say all these things are good. Blessings! But all good things come with challenges. Add to that my one PMS day of the month landed on Christmas Eve and that was too much to handle.

But... I ramble...

My point is... all the usual things that I can handle and remain calm and deal with, got to me. instead of me calmly telling Logan one billion and ONE times to do something ... I yelled. Instead of me sweetly and understandingly saying "sure sweetie you go ahead and golf on Christmas Eve"... I screamed! Instead of finding it adorable when Arden asked every five seconds if she could open a present early... I shouted.

I could go on but why... I'm sure you all get it and understand.

But as sure as me almost ruining Christmas ... I am just as sure it was saved by Arden and Logan.

No matter how much I yelled and grumped around, their joyful moods could not be broken. They kept saying " do you need a hug?" and "I love Christmas" and "I can't wait for you to open my present". At first this annoyed me more that you know. I thought they were not taking me seriously. No respect for all that I do! It was all I could do to keep it together. But at some point they finally snapped me out of my mama madness, and I remembered it was all just a choice. I could choose to focus on all the little details that I couldn't make perfect and create a miserable holiday for us all or I could choose to appreciate all that was REAL . Like their sweet little faces and their excitement for giving and the two of them actually getting along with each other! (now that is a Christmas miracle)

In the end we had a lovely Christmas . Arden made me the most beautiful ornament out of oyster shells, Logan spent some time hanging out with his sister, Paul spoiled me again and I was taught the same lesson I repeatedly try to teach them. Life is what you choose to focus on. And even though I am ashamed of my behavior for those few hours, I'm so glad to know they were paying attention all those times I preached to them. Because (mamaism) "I know better than that!!"

I have so many blessings in my life, and you all know who you are! Thank you all for the encouragement and support and love. You all are the reason for the season. And I have witnessed so many moments of goodness and kindness this year. That is what I choose to focus on! And even if my gifts or cards come late or I didn't get a chance to call yesterday I hope you all know how much you mean to me and I hope you all had a very merry Christmas!